Looking Ahead

Today we were able to schedule our trip to Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha. We'll be doing a full work-up and surgery for me during our visit - will be there 7-10 days overall, and will determine a treatment plan depending on what they find. I'm hopeful for what may come of it, but fearful of getting my hopes up, too. Michael prays every night for a baby brother or baby sister (he tends to request a brother, mostly) and we have enlisted the help of St. Gianna, and now soon-to-be Blessed John Paul the Great. So many days I have asked why, but think those answers will have to wait. It's awfully hard not to care about what others think - even though there are many couples who are in similar situations, I often feel isolated between those who wonder why we don't have more kids and those who think we are wise to just have one child. Why should I care what other people think? But it's hard not to be sensitive when a child is yearned for so very much. So keep us in your prayers for health and maybe even the miracle of a child. And thank you.

New feature: Stupid Things They Teach in Grad School

It's too bad I have material for this "new and improved" addition to my blog. I should have enough to post at least monthly. So stay tuned for updates to the idiotic things which actually pass for education these days.

#1 - Complementary therapies class - Chapter on "Energy Fields" - and this one takes the cake!

"At your conception, the joining of the egg and sperm (miracles do happen) created the effect of turning on your system's current and putting out a magnetic field. This is not saying that conception is the beginning of human life - that is a philosophical question outside the bounds of science - but we can say that at conception the new life form's electromagnetic field emerges." - Barbara Dossey and Lynn Keegan, Holistic Nursing: A Handbook for Practice

Wow, I didn't think there could be a more stupid answer than "That's above my pay grade," to the question "When does human life begin?", but here it is! So, we know that energy fields begin at conception, but we can't know when human life begins? For one thing, no one has been able to conclusively prove that human energy fields actually exist, but it is a well-known fact that the uniting of all the DNA you will ever have and will guide your development and functioning actually does occur at conception. The twisting of logic in this paragraph simply blows my mind.

I can't believe I paid money for this stupid book. Now I have to decide how much of a stink I am going to create on the little "react to the readings" assignment due later this week. I'm leaning towards fairly odoriferous.

Moms Who Work (Are There Any Who Don't?)

I have been wanting to write about the topic of mothers who work outside the home for awhile, and just haven't... until now. This tends to be a sensitive subject for some, and something which is more of a non-topic for others. I have always wanted to be a mother, and had this rosy future picture (you know, the kind with the fuzzy edges and sepia tones) of homeschooling my four, five, or six children while gathering fresh fruits and vegetables from our garden and generally enriching the world by our love for each other. Now I see how prideful my dreams were - "I have a great plan, and I can accomplish this by myself!". Time (and grace) has a way of tempering us...

When both of us were done with school (there was a brief period, although one or both of us has been in school for most of our 7 years of marriage), we were so excited to start a family and certainly talked about whether I would stay home or not. We fell into the majority of American families who find it necessary to have both parents working. I don't find it fair to judge others on whether it is truly necessary for both parents to work, given that people have varying definitions of necessities (food vs. newer cars), and feel much of the two-income debate is rooted in how Americans view and use money. Again, I endeavor to tread lightly - Heaven knows how often I have been offended by well-meaning people on both sides of this debate.

I am aware there are some women who believe it unnecessary to complete post-high school education when they plan to stay home with children. I suppose they have a case, but I take a more pragmatic approach. I certainly plan to stay married for the rest of my life (God-willing!), but see a degree as an "insurance policy" - e.g. death of a spouse, spouse is fired or laid off, any number of unexpected calamities. I can see how God led me in ways I didn't realize before, in that He brought me to nursing, which is a wonderful occupation for mothers. I have been able to tailor my schedule around the needs of my family. For instance, when Michael was a baby, I worked every single weekend, Matt was home on weekends and I cared for Michael on the weekdays. We have never had to have day-care, thanks to having Grandmas close by, and the day we need daycare is the day I stay home.

The hardest part of the to-stay-home or not-to-stay-home question is whether a woman's place is with her children. There are a great number of women's Bible studies which firmly declare that working outside the home is a moral ill. Pragmatics aside, how can we reconcile the idea that women must stay home with the saints who have worked while raising children? St. Gianna Beretta Molla, my advocate and heroine, was a working doctor while she raised three children. It was only when she was expecting her fourth - the baby for whom she gave her life - that she planned to stay home with her children. When her son Pierluigi visited our parish last spring, he told the story of how his mother would take him along with her to visit patients at their homes - "she liked to drive fast!".

Children need their mothers, and mothers need their children. The process of becoming who we are meant to be is through sacrifice and the reception of grace. For many of us, this is through self-donation to our children, and receiving the grace of being a mother in return. Just as we do not limit our relationships to our children, but to extend ourselves to our husbands, parents, neighbors, and so on, so our maternal abilities can be fruitful in other ways. I think this is probably best demonstrated in women who long to be mothers but are unable to. They are not unfulfilled as women - but in many ways demonstrate the maternal sacrifice and life as well as mothers with children.

I find it rather funny that this topic has such significance in my life. It is ironic, in a way - my mother had to justify staying home with her children to her peers, now I find I try to justify going to work with many of my peers who are at home with their children. I admire them greatly - there is no such thing as "just a stay-at-home mom" - they are truly working mothers in every sense. I am sometimes envious of the time they have to serve others and devote more time to relationships with their families.

Two books have helped me in my internal struggle with what is the right thing to do for our family. (At first the struggle was trying to justify my choices based on what others thought... never a good plan, but that hasn't stopped me yet.) The first, and I can't recall the exact title, is by Elizabeth Warren and her daughter (some one Warren Taigi), regarding two income families and how they are at higher risk of bankruptcy and other financial ills. The take-home message was that two income families should endeavor to live on one income and have the second income as "insurance". If one spouse becomes ill, laid off, etc., the other spouse is able to step in to temporarily help pay the bills. The Warrens were quite firm that mortgages should be payable on one income, not requiring two. This is a hard goal to achieve for many, but I agree with their ideas. (Dave Ramsey - also a helpful guy when it comes to dealing with finances.) The other book is far different in approach - "The Eternal Woman" by Gertrude Von Le Fort. Written in the 1950s before much of the cultural revolution which resulted in many women going to work, she nonetheless addresses many of the root philosophies. I could quote at length, but found this short paragraph to be oh-so insightful:

"The professions of women will consequently not be the substitute for a failing motherhood, but rather the working out of the never failing motherliness that is in every genuine woman. The decision whether women should engage in the various profession, and their choice of them, will depend upon the extent to which maternal activity can still be regarded as fruitful." (pg. 87)

I hope I have not offended anyone, and also hope I have not tried to find things that persuade me my own thoughts are gospel truth. But I firmly believe God guides us when we ask Him to lead and we do the following. So take these thoughts for what they are worth, and pray for our family, as you are assured of my prayers for you.

House Update

We signed a contract for our house this week! The people who offered last week but fell through last week came back and we were able to negotiate a reasonable price. The best part is we don't close until May 2nd - AFTER tax season! Now we have to figure out to where we are going to move. We are very grateful to St. Joseph for helping us. We have continuously tried to place our faith and trust in God, and of course He has taken care of us as always.

It was 40 degrees (ABOVE zero, that is!) today, so we cleaned off the cement of all the snow and ice, and also made a snow-Mom and snow-Michael. We went ice skating yesterday - I can't seem to get the pictures off my phone, but Michael was pretty cute trying to step his way along and also tried to help the other kids learn, too! It's supposed to get cold again in the next couple days, so we have been soaking up the sunshine.