Memorial Day

We didn't do too much for the Memorial Day weekend other than laundry, unpacking, and spending time on the sofa! Today I feel a lot better - my tummy is looking much more normal except a big green bruise around my belly button! We had some friends over last night for supper. Their daughter and Michael played together really well. It's fun to see our children playing together, when we adults used to play together as children ourselves. I was going to make something healthy and fruity for dessert, but Matt and I got stuck in the recipe book on the page for "Rich Chocolate Brownies". Not exactly healthy but they certainly tasted good.

I gave Michael a bath and then we went out on the deck to listen to the thunder. It was rumbling almost constantly off in the distance, and the clouds were starting to get that greenish, ominous tint. So I wasn't surprised when our weather radio went off with a tornado warning. We went down to the basement and read books for awhile. We didn't get too much rain until another line of storms blew through, and then we got heavy rain with lots of wind, and I heard some clinking against the siding, so we must have had some small hail. Michael picks up on things so quickly - we didn't say anything to him about a tornado warning but he kept on asking when the tornado was going to come! He was a good, brave little boy, though, and we just snuggled up to wait it out. Apparently there was a funnel sighted somewhere on the south end of town, but we didn't see anything because we were in the basement! Given the troubles others have had around the US, we were grateful to be safe.

It's cold and windy today, but we ran some errands and stocked up on groceries. One of my sisters has a happy birthday today and we picked out a very girly gift. I'm not the best at buying girly things (having had only brothers for a long time, and living in a boy house now) although I must say there is a wider selection of feminine goods. I'm proud of Michael - we had to wait in line a long time to pay, but he managed to keep his hands off the tempting eye-level candies and toys (why, oh, why do they put those things there!?!). It's taken some consequences and hard lessons for him but it's nice to see those things pay off. And he is happier, too, when he knows he is behaving. There are other things, of course, we are working on right now (back-talk is a big one, also "no shooting people"), so we'll have to stick to our rules.

Rich Chocolate Brownies

1 c. sugar (I used 3/4 c. and they were still really sweet)

2 eggs

1/2 tsp. vanilla extract

1/2 c. melted butter

1/2 c. all-purpose flour

1/3 c. baking cocoa (could maybe use a little less?)

1/4 tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. salt

In a mixing bowl, beat sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Add butter, mix well. Combine dry ingredients; add to batter and mix well. Pour into a greased 8-inch square baking pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes. Let cool.

Frosting:

3 Tbsp. butter, melted

3 Tbsp. baking cocoa (again, could probably use a little less)

2 Tbsp. hot water

1 tsp. instant coffee granules (I used more like 1 Tbsp. - good)

1 1/2 c. powdered sugar

Combine butter, cocoa, water, and coffee; mix well. Gradually stir in powdered sugar until smooth, adding additional warm water if necessary to achieve a spreading consistency. Frost brownies.

Yield: 12-16 brownies (at least - they are rich so cut small!)

Scrambled Eggs

We just returned from our visit to Omaha to see Dr. Hilgers at the Pope Paul VI Institute. The visit has been a long time in coming and preparing for, so it was a relief to finally pack up and go. Michael's Grandpa and Grammy came to help us, and Michael had a blast with them. They visited the zoo and children's museum, and he has come home a little spoiled!

Dr. Hilgers and the Fellow MD we worked with were both very nice. They were busy but took time to take a good history and give us plenty of education. There are pictures of babies EVERYWHERE in their offices! So that gives us hope.

When we met w/ Dr. Hilgers at the first appointment he told us that my hormone levels (estrogen, progesterone, FSH/LH) were the worst he had seen in awhile. My estrogen should be around 23-25 in the midpoint of my cycle and got up to 6! The only levels that were high were ones that were supposed to be low. He also thinks my thyroid might be functioning abnormally - I have to take my temperature and fill out a questionnaire, but it sounds like I will have to take a thyroid supplement.

The cause of my abnormal hormones is likely my ovaries - they are 4-5 times larger than they should be and are filled with cysts - Dr. Hilgers said a "classic case" of polycystic ovarian disease. They don't know what causes it, but they can treat it with another surgery (ovarian wedge resection - they take out part of the ovary and stitch it back together). The ultrasound lady said the ovaries have a hard shell around them (kind of like the coating on a M&M... weird) so even if an egg matures and is ready to be released, it has a hard time getting out. Matt calls them my "scrambled eggs", and I would agree!

I had some endometriosis and adhesions when they did my surgery and they were able to laser nearly everything. It's not a permanent fix but he said it should help for the next year or two at least. Likely the polycystic ovaries contributed to the development of endometriosis, or that's how I understood it, anyways.

It was overwhelming to find all this out. Dr. Hilgers was confident that the ovarian wedge resection would be helpful in normalizing my cycles and hormone levels, and there is a 60-70% pregnancy rate following that surgery. So we will be going back to Omaha. We are disappointed we have to go back, but hopeful that now that we know what is wrong perhaps I can feel better soon and perhaps even have another baby.

I have a feeling I will be on my soapbox a lot this coming school year - "If a patient tells you something is wrong with their body, LISTEN TO THEM!". It makes me so mad that I have been trying to tell my MDs around home for 10 years that something was not right, but always got the brush-off. There is such a great need for doctors who can work with a woman's cycle to identify and treat problems instead of trying blanket treatments which actually haven't been proven to work all that well. (For instance, the standard medical treatment for PCOS is Clomid, which has a 30% pregnancy rate, and doesn't normalize the ovary at all, or address the potential risks for increased cancer rates.) We are the lucky ones - we have known about Dr. Hilgers, and had the ability to make the trip. What about those women/families who don't know or can't go? It's ridiculous that our physicians have bought the whole ACOG line hook and sinker. Even if we don't happen to have a child after this, it will still have been worth it in terms of better health and feeling better. We are still open to adoption but will see where this takes us first. Thank you very much to all for the prayers - they have made all the difference, and will continue do so!

Dear Hillary Clinton

Today I stayed home and baked cookies. And I was HAPPY!

Blessed John Paul the Great

I have been talking about Blessed John Paul with Michael, particularly surrounding his beatification. We weren't able to watch the beatification (rats...) since we had just moved the day before and had company much of the day. I hear it was beautiful, and I intend to find an archived broadcast somewhere one of these days. Michael has been fascinated by the stories we've been reading, and I love to see how his eyes light up when we are talking about John Paul and how he loved children and young people.

I've been thinking about our trip to World Youth Day in Toronto - truly something I will never forget. It rained much of the night we were camping in the park and then into the morning, but the rain stopped right away when the Holy Father arrived for Mass. It was amazing - one minute the skies were gray with clouds for as far as we could see, and then next there wasn't a cloud to be seen. Matt and I read his "Love and Responsibility" as we prepared for marriage and it made a great difference for us. We see many of our peers struggling with the consequences of living according to the culture, and are so grateful for the chance to learn about the way God has intended for us to be healthy and happy.

I ordered a small book about John Paul II from amazon.com - it was $1.50 for a short picture biography, so I ordered it looking for something to help Michael learn and also keep him quiet at Mass. So I was surprised when I got a pack of 10 of the books - for $1.50 - it must have been a mistake on amazon's end, but I think it was a nice little reminder that John Paul II is watching over us from above. One of the stories in the book is about the assassination attempt on the pope, and I didn't think Michael was paying too much attention, until I was putting away some curtain rods. Michael thought the curly ends looked like the crosier that the Holy Father carried, and he wanted to "play Pope". Then he handed me a toy gun and told me I should be Ali Agca. After he was "shot", he took me to jail and then forgave me!

John Paul the Great, please pray for us and help us to live according to God's laws, and to never be afraid, as you taught us.

All moved in!

I'm not sure where the camera is, but will post some pictures of the new house later. We got all moved in thanks to MUCH help from our friends and family. The forecast was for stormy weather on moving day, but the rain held off until we were nearly done. We did wake up in the morning to ice and snow on the ground (May 1st!), but it melted away in 2 or 3 days. Our new home is a split level with a great deck, towards the south end of town, very close to the bike trails. We live a block away from a playground/park (where we have been spending time nearly every day!). Although we miss dear friends, we feel in our hearts this was the right move for us. I left work at 11:45 one night this week and arrived home at 12:00 - it was so nice to drive across town instead of 45 miles. The extra time will be so nice to dedicate to being together as a family. Michael has been easier to live with since we moved - he must have been picking up on the moving/tax season/end of school stress from his parents.

The main floor is completely unpacked - I have my kitchen organized and we even have pictures on our walls in the living room. The kitchen is quite a bit smaller than our previous, but much better organized and flows well. While I don't see wild turkeys out my kitchen window anymore, I have been pleasantly surprised by the variety of other birds who fly through (a lovely little red bird and its mate have been visiting today, and I think we have a robin's nest under our deck). The number of rabbits is astounding - will definitely have to put up a rabbit fence once I get my garden dug. The basement is partially unpacked. Matt has graciously allowed me to share part of his studio for office space, so I put together a filing cabinet of office supplies, bank statements, and school paperwork to keep it all contained and organized. I promised him I would keep it neat, so I'd better live up to that! We put my desk in Michael's room, for now it is his little play-space and has all his coloring, games, and Legos in it. Next year he will be starting school, so it will be nice to have a desk at which he can work. I picked up some paint chips last night for his room (it's a very, very dark red now, makes the room feel closed in, so we're going to go with a nice, boyish blue per his request). The house is in good shape but could stand a little re-decorating as we have time for it.

I had done the "Forty Bags for Forty Days" project promoted by Faith and Family last year - we did get rid of forty bags/boxes/etc. of unused things, but we were still amazed by how many things we had in our home to move. So after we moved everything, we cleaned out another 3 boxes of books (worth $46 in store credit at the used book store), 1 box of CDs (worth $22 in store credit at used book store - although I'm not sure having credit at a bookstore is going to help us cut down on stuff!), 2 boxes of clothes/shoes/etc., 4 bookshelves (given away to a family who could use them), a house-full of flowery heavy drapes (yikes!), and Matt is working on lessening his music gear. I try so hard to not be attached to stuff - I bought nothing but the essentials (food, toilet paper) during Lent, and even afterwards try hard to not get things just because they are on sale or I like them. So it's been humbling to see the piles of boxes around. I could make excuses (we have all the boy clothes for the Sauer side from ages 2-7, I'm not willing to get rid of our baby gear [high-chair, co-sleeper, carseats, toys] - hanging onto those in hopefulness) but the truth of the matter is that I'm more attached to stuff than I ought to be.

School is done for the year - put in the last of the grades into the computer system last night and just waiting for final grades on my own projects. My summer class doesn't start until June so I'm relishing the freedom. Also busy getting ready to go to Omaha for surgery and our appointments with Dr. Hilgers. I am nervous about it - foolishly I hope there is the "right amount of wrong" with me - enough that there is an identifiable problem which can be treated without too much pain and trouble, but not so much that we won't come home in hopes of feeling better and fulfilling Michael's dreams of a baby brother AND a baby sister (yes, he wants both - we'll see how the Lord answers his innocent prayers). So keep us in your prayers, as I know you all have been already. I can't believe how confusing all this medical stuff is - the insurance and registration things are absolutely boggling. It gives me more sympathy for my own patients and the red tape they have to fight through while sick.

Well, I should stop blogging and go unpack some more boxes - found my sewing machine this morning and the fabric I bought last year to sew pajamas for Michael. They are sitting next to my knitting bag - itching to start some projects after the house is squared away a bit more!