#1 I have awesome kids.
The problem is I really suck at this parenting thing. Kids are kids - they do kid things. Why is it so hard to be patient with kid stuff? Why can't we just be content with living in the present moment, saying to "far, far, far south and very warm" with keeping a tidy/organized existence and be like those crazy-but-cool unschooling people? I'm not really a crier, but have been close to or in tears pretty much every Friday as I plan out school for my Boy. There's not enough time, he doesn't have enough patience, I don't have enough patience to help him develop patience, and there's just too damn much to teach and learn. I honestly would just give up and send him to school, but he keeps saying how much he loves being at home and how much he's learning and I know he IS learning and that this is what we are supposed to be doing right now. It's just a real struggle at the present (because I'm crazy) and I know we'll get through it eventually. This last week was a little better than the previous first weeks of the year, so hoping things will improve and we'll hit our stride at some point here.
#2 - I have normal kids.
The reason they are both looking at the camera and smiling is because this was the 10th picture I took and his hands are up in the air because right before I snapped the photo he was holding his hands around her head to make her look at the camera. This was during the Epic Bike Ride When Dad Was Gone And Mom Tortured Them.
My kids are normal. They are people. They have faults and quirks and they live with us so they have acquired many of our bad habits. Parenting is not a math equation - I can't put in the variables of consistent parenting, quality discipline, and abundant love, and come up with a perfect child at all times. (My parents were really good at that and look how I turned out. Case is rested.) This doesn't mean I get to throw up my hands and leave it all to fate, either, but when we are all barking at each other and no one is happy and I think, "we were meant for something better than this!", we are - it's just that we are on the journey to it and the arrival may be on the other side of eternity (post a huge amount of purification).
#3 Making pickle relish is rarely a priority. But sometimes you still do it.
What to do with giant pickling cucumbers? Make relish, of course. This was the experimental canning for the year and I think it turned out. A lot of the frustration from the last few months has been the disconnect between what I planned/expected and the actual implementation. I envisioned blissful days at the splash pad and picnics in the park, play dates with friends (maybe actually making some friends or spending time with the few friends who put up with my quirks), being fit and eating healthy, pampering the yard and the house, and doing all those things I haven't had time for during the school year. Then August rolled around and I realized we'd done pretty much none of the above. We did do a lot this summer, but not much of it fit into the schema above, and of course I've been blaming myself (some of it rightfully so, the rest, it just was...) - if I was more organized, if I prayed more, if I got a personality transplant, etc., etc., etc.
#4 There is one, very, very good reason to have paneling in your basement.
Dear Hubby went south to be with a family member who was having a significant surgery. We were so glad he was able to go and be there. But what is it about the universe that it instantly knows when Dad is gone? Life with Dad around. And then the universe takes notice, "Oh, Dad is not here. All contingencies have been accounted for." What happens: Life when Dad is away.
OK, OK, it wasn't that bad. Really, it all just makes me throw up my hands and laugh. And at least we discovered the yellow jacket nests IN the house after he got back! At the end of his trip, I was mowing lawn and saw a place where yellow jackets were going into a gap between the foundation and the siding. An exterminator came and powdered the area, and DH sealed up the hole (as he recommended) when he got home a couple days later. Then we started finding yellow jackets in the house. Turns out we had not one but two large nests - one in the storage area of The Boy's room and one inside the block foundation where the split level splits (behind the area where the exterminator had treated). And yes Dear Hubby had to remove most of the paneling from an entire wall before we found exactly where. We spent an entire day in the basement watching the walls and trying to see where they were coming in - I killed over 100 yellow jackets with my fly swatter over the course of a morning and afternoon, but the moral of the story was that a watched wall never wasps. We also got to clean up mold since the storage area had water damage that we hadn't discovered because we are such wonderful and responsible homeowners. I realize people have real problems and this probably doesn't count as one, but again, wimp - not a fan of sharing my home with hundreds of yellow jackets. And mold.
#5 You can't keep it from raining.
We have had an insane amount of rain this summer. The thing I keep butting my head against over and over is how little control I have over all the things I want to control. It just doesn't work that way - trying to pray for grace and accept that crazy is where life is at right now and all I can control is how I respond to it.
#6 Let stupid little things make you happy.
I have never, ever been able to make a decent train track. But I made one and it was awesome. At first it was a couple endless loops but then Baby Girl and I modified it and it was really quite delightful. We played A LOT of trains while DH and The Boy were at the father-son campout - OK, we didn't really do anything else. Something that's been really frustrating to me lately is how I cannot seem to find or make time for anything beyond the bare essentials, and even then, sometimes the bare essentials are getting the lick-and-a-promise treatment. I'm jealous of people who can set their life goals and create time for meaning (prayer, fitness, connection with others, etc.), while still carrying through on what needs to be done in routine life. I am not succeeding at this but am really, really trying to be grateful for the small things when they do happen and finding my joy in serving and giving right now.
#7 Go to the library and read books.
This is "new book day" at our house - piles of books dumped all over the floor and quiet children. If going to the library wasn't such a chaotic event, we would do it every day, I swear.
#8 Be that meany.
I forced my child to do something he said he did. not. want. to. do. Ever. I made him read a particular book. And he loved it. So much that we didn't hear from him for 24 hours. Sometimes things are just good for your darn kids and they have to do it.
#9 Be that meany to yourself.
I ******* my way through making a dozen freezer meals prior to the beginning of the school year. The kids have hit some wacky wild growth spurts and have been eating HUGE amounts of food, and with the food restrictions I have, fast/easy meal prep can be difficult at times. So we took three evenings while DH was gone and made three separate meals x four for the freezer. I didn't want to do it and complained the whole time, but now I am immensely happy to have a freezer full of food that I can pull when the week looks overwhelming. Even having just one meal that is ready to go makes such a difference. When I do this again (I will force myself to and whine about it the whole time) I need to pick easier recipes if possible and set up a better assembly line, but it did work.
#10 Celebrate small successes/it doesn't have to be perfect.
Have I mentioned (just a bazillion times) how much I hate science curricula and haven't found one I can tolerate? Well, I still don't care for the one I spent hours researching and ended up buying, but somebody else likes it! We have gone from "Do we haaaave to do science?" to "When can we do science?". We did about half of the project above and filled out one sentence for the whole writing project. But he understands the concept and had fun while at it. I'll take it.
